She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
