quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
