I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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