an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
