the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
