just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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