i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
