You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
