Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
