her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
