So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
