id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
