Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I still have a little drunk in my system
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
