She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we made out on top of his cat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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