Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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