so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
