her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
