fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
