The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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