Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
