Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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