Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
