Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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