I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need to calm my uterus...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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