He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
