the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
