after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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