i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
