and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
