Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
