The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
