She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
