dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
