If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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