it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
