Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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