So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
