I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
