No awkward lesbian experiences without me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
