Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
