Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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