all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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