i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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