Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
