Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
