I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
they need to just BURY HIM!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
