I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
