im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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