Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
