Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
